Wow wow wow!
Okay, have you ever had a situation happen or a particular conversation in which you came to realize your roses really do smell like boo-boo?
Please say you have because man... does this feeling reek!
So I've come about this revelation in one particular way but it has opened my eyes to see in just how many ways my rose colored glasses of the past assisted the belief that I did little to nothing wrong to be mistreated and my actions retaliation or otherwise are justified.
How when things don't go my way, my behavior reflects that of a hurt and helpless (person) who seems to help herself in caring out in hurtful and harmful ways. Damaging and often destroying everything along the way.
And as I sit here in my own boo-boo, I look back at relationships in which many of them were once something I valued and cared deeply about. Work friends, classmates, good friends, and partners. My past self believed that something had happened to her. That she had come across someone intentionally harming her and therefore did.
Now a portion of that I will validate by saying,
"Yes Simone, you have found yourself hurt by others..."
However, that sentence would not be able to stop there. I would need to activate my acknowledgment and realize that I too have a responsibility within the matter as well.
(side note: this change of mindset, I believe would need to be distinguished as separate from abuse or oppression one might experience within relationship trauma.)
I behaved in ways that invited such consequences and I behaved in ways that retaliated against others. I continued in a way that has allowed me to believe what I was doing was okay. That how I was treating others was justified. That I was a good person continuing to be hurt by "bad people" and that wasn't necessarily the case.
Yes, difficult things have happened to me and around me. But if I ever want to break the cycle of continuing to believe in the "victim-hood," I've got to no longer identify with being the victim. I think like choosing to get rid of furniture that is old, beat up, and needs to be replaced, I can do this by realizing my rose-colored glasses no longer fit.
Yes, I was hurt (the victim)
But I choose to longer live in it (victim-hood)
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