Your Healing brings Joy, Sis

I love this picture! 

First off and most importantly it was taken by my very smart and favorite girl, B. It was December when life seemed so simple and we had decided to depart from the rest of the fam (untie and niece style) and do our own thing for the rest of the day. Coming to a stop at a red light, she told me to look back and smile as we headed to grab some lunch. 

This was December 22nd, 2019. 

And as I sit at my computer on June 22nd, 2020 I am brought to tears looking at this woman.

My gosh. She was brave, ambitious, curious, devoted, kind, a little crazy, very silly, and loved hard with every inch of that big ol' heart of hers.

It's ironic because as she looks back with joy in her eyes, she could not have foreseen what she was about to face once she turned back around.

I am currently in a healing place. Many things have happened inside my heart space that is not yet ready to be revealed. Yet, I sit back and tear up looking at this not because December 22nd bae had no clue, but because she was so prepared for what it is she would face in June.

What do I mean?

Well, December 22nd bae had, for quite some time now, been "Gruhustling."

A term I coined by a family friend of mine to mean "Grind and Hustle at the same time" 

Gruhustle

So I had been on my gruhustle for a minute in terms of my personal development, self-awareness, and healing. Cutting ties with things and people that no longer served. Building fruitful and healthy bonds. Recognizing my voice and the power it holds to inflict change. And ultimately learning all my superpowers and how to use them wisely. It had not been easy work and was something that the natural progression of life helped me to embrace these skills more.

So the work put in by December 22nd bae of yesterday, has been a catalyst to what I am able to do today.
She was ready for today. For Covid, unemployment, 45, baby, grief, healing and so much more. She was ready for difficult decisions and heartbreak. She was ready for self-awareness and the words "I need help." She was ready for these pocket moments of recovery and continual growth that June 22nd bae could not be doing had it not been for the work of yesterday.

I don't wish to go back to December 22nd, I wouldn't belong there even I could. I have outgrown that version of myself, that time period, and those lessons of that season. Going back will not fix my current state. Going back will not make things better.
However, glancing back to remember purpose, glancing back to remember the joy, glancing back to remember how far I have come seems like a fair trade-off.

I am proud of the work I have put in.
I am proud of the work I am putting in.
I am proud of the work that will be valuable later.

I am going to make someone myself a very happy partner person one day.


Mark 5:34 "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction."