So I've been active in my mental health space recently. Giving myself the time and attention needed to heal, reflect, and adjust to a few of the events and situations I have found myself in recently.
One of the ways I have invested in doing that has been going to therapy! Whoop Whoop!
[It's very important. Everyone should take advantage and invest in that space for themselves]
Anyway, in this particular therapeutic adventure I've found myself in, I am exploring grief in group therapy with three other individuals. We are exploring a personal relationship we have had and processing the with and with outs of that relationship. An 8-week exploration with the help of a facilitator, challenging ourselves to unpack some very real pain and sorrow each of us has had to face. The grief relationship I have chosen has been towards someone who is still living and through this process, I have learned to accept the "Divorce" of our relationship.
Divorce meaning the separation of something.
And if I am completely honest with myself, this is not something that was easy to except about this person and or our relationship. {aka HARD A. F} In theory, I was hoping to salvage the relationship by coming to therapy. Looking to find out how I could push past the hurt I have felt towards them and be able to remain in a relationship with them. However, that's not how grief works, that is not how divorce works. My expectations for the relationship have been shot down over and over again by the with and with outs of our exchanges. And it is those very expectations that I have had to grieve over, and it sucks!
So I am currently on week 7, with one more week to go and the homework assignment has asked me to map out events/situations that I have had with this person. Like a timeline, outlining the good and the bad that has come about from the very beginning up onto recently. Due to the nature of our relationship currently, all I could do is think of at first were the negative things. "When you did this, when you said that, when you didn't do this, and when you made me feel this way..."
Ha I mean, insert the purple smiling devil emoji here because I truly felt like I was "winning" this homework assignment. Like "Yeah... you're going to see just how messed up I am because of you..."
First of all, what the hell is that all about Simone? And secondly, I wasn't finished with the assignment. I then had to make sure I had at least two good things to map that happened during our relationship.
*sigh
Following that sigh was not one or two things positive about that relationship. Soon, I had the entire page full of good things to come from such a relationship. And in a great profound way, it opened up pieces of my heart I had closed off and shut down about this person because I so badly wanted to hate them. I so badly wanted to find fuel for my fire of disapproval of them because they had made me feel so misplaced and misunderstood time and time before. I wanted to be sure my anger towards them was justified because of all the bad things that had happened between us.
Nonetheless, what that assignment showed me was that it's not because of the bad things that make that relationship hurt so much, it is because of all the good. All the times we laughed at random things, the trips we took together, the memories we made that were special between the two of us. And then, all the plans we had for our future, the places we still needed to go, and the things we wanted to do. My grief and my pain stemmed from the places of my map that would not be filled out. My grief and pain stemmed from the hard times that have stood in our way. My grief and pain stemmed from us growing apart. It stemmed from the divorce of our relationship.
And the next stage of this process is for me to find moments of forgiveness, moments to apologize, and moments of significant emotional statements so that I CAN MOVE FORWARD. So that I can let this pass. So that I can keep moving without letting this barrier stand in the way of what else is to come.
"Successful recovery requires completion of the pain, rather than retention of the resentment."
One of the ways I have invested in doing that has been going to therapy! Whoop Whoop!
[It's very important. Everyone should take advantage and invest in that space for themselves]
Anyway, in this particular therapeutic adventure I've found myself in, I am exploring grief in group therapy with three other individuals. We are exploring a personal relationship we have had and processing the with and with outs of that relationship. An 8-week exploration with the help of a facilitator, challenging ourselves to unpack some very real pain and sorrow each of us has had to face. The grief relationship I have chosen has been towards someone who is still living and through this process, I have learned to accept the "Divorce" of our relationship.
Divorce meaning the separation of something.
And if I am completely honest with myself, this is not something that was easy to except about this person and or our relationship. {aka HARD A. F} In theory, I was hoping to salvage the relationship by coming to therapy. Looking to find out how I could push past the hurt I have felt towards them and be able to remain in a relationship with them. However, that's not how grief works, that is not how divorce works. My expectations for the relationship have been shot down over and over again by the with and with outs of our exchanges. And it is those very expectations that I have had to grieve over, and it sucks!
So I am currently on week 7, with one more week to go and the homework assignment has asked me to map out events/situations that I have had with this person. Like a timeline, outlining the good and the bad that has come about from the very beginning up onto recently. Due to the nature of our relationship currently, all I could do is think of at first were the negative things. "When you did this, when you said that, when you didn't do this, and when you made me feel this way..."
Ha I mean, insert the purple smiling devil emoji here because I truly felt like I was "winning" this homework assignment. Like "Yeah... you're going to see just how messed up I am because of you..."
First of all, what the hell is that all about Simone? And secondly, I wasn't finished with the assignment. I then had to make sure I had at least two good things to map that happened during our relationship.
*sigh
Following that sigh was not one or two things positive about that relationship. Soon, I had the entire page full of good things to come from such a relationship. And in a great profound way, it opened up pieces of my heart I had closed off and shut down about this person because I so badly wanted to hate them. I so badly wanted to find fuel for my fire of disapproval of them because they had made me feel so misplaced and misunderstood time and time before. I wanted to be sure my anger towards them was justified because of all the bad things that had happened between us.
Nonetheless, what that assignment showed me was that it's not because of the bad things that make that relationship hurt so much, it is because of all the good. All the times we laughed at random things, the trips we took together, the memories we made that were special between the two of us. And then, all the plans we had for our future, the places we still needed to go, and the things we wanted to do. My grief and my pain stemmed from the places of my map that would not be filled out. My grief and pain stemmed from the hard times that have stood in our way. My grief and pain stemmed from us growing apart. It stemmed from the divorce of our relationship.
And the next stage of this process is for me to find moments of forgiveness, moments to apologize, and moments of significant emotional statements so that I CAN MOVE FORWARD. So that I can let this pass. So that I can keep moving without letting this barrier stand in the way of what else is to come.
"Successful recovery requires completion of the pain, rather than retention of the resentment."
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